Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
this will be a night to untag.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
