Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
