tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Actions speak louder than pants.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
