things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
