They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
