this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
