Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
