Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
he shaved USA in his pubs
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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