Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
