Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
