My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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