I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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