Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
