I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
