I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
