i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
it's like iHOP with fire
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
