Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
