i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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