I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
