I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
