anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Ketchup is God's man juice
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
