we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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