Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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