RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
