I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
