Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
