It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
