i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
So apparently I’m into choking now
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