i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
