I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
