piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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