I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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