I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
