hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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