Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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