im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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