there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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