Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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