We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just had sex on a roof
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
