if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
