It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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