I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
