Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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