just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
