I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
