Got a toothbrush?
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
