as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
