I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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