hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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