never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
