I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
