the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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