it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
