Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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