If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
